Following on from my Snowball Blaster rant, here's something else which made me laugh out loud. Introducing the glove of love itself, The Smitten mitten.
Now don't get me wrong. I'm a very romantic person. I often whisper sweet things into my girlfriend's ear. Just the other day for example, I said "lemon meringue pie".
But the thought of owning and publicly wearing The Smitten really makes me cringe. No, more than this. It makes me stressed.
I would find it incredibly annoying being attached to someone like this. Not to mention how impractical it would be. Say I did feel the urge to make a romantic gesture, perhaps a hug under a tree, or a soft kiss on her lips while gently cupping her cheeks (her face-cheeks that is), then these stupid gloves wouldn't allow it. There'd be some awkward shuffling around beforehand while I escaped them.
What about a romantic snowball fight? You've all seen them in the movies. They inevitably climax with the couple lying in the snow together, staring one another in the eyes. Well you can forget that. A snowball fight with The Smitten would look more like some kind of demented three legged race, than a romantic roll in the snow.
What else? Well, I'm not Italian, but like most Italians, I gesture a lot while speaking. Wearing these gloves is a health and safety hazard. I'll end up dislocating my girlfriend's shoulder before finishing my story about how I saved a cat stuck in a tree (she loves that one).
Furthermore, you know how in public toilets, you can never be arsed to wait around under the hand dryer? Well I don't want to hold wet hands, or force my girlfriend to do the same.
I know, I know, The Smitten is a novelty gift to buy your partner on Valentine's Day. But that doesn't stop them from being overpriced, impractical, and pretty stupid in my opinion.
What IS a good idea, however, is buying The Smitten and wearing them alone. This might look a bit perverted, walking around the park asking girls to put their hand in, but if you're that desperate and you've tried everything else, why not give it a shot?comments powered by Disqus